So, I have two cats.

Cat #1, Pwca, is over a year old, sleek and black, and very well-mannered. Her only somewhat-bad habit is that she tries to climb the curtains, but she seems to be growing out of this, as she’s realized that the getting-back-down-again doesn’t look very dignified.

Cat #2, Planchet, is right around four months old at this point. He’s extra-fuzzy, and orange and white, and has all the cuteness appropriate to his age. But, he’s annoying. For the first little while he seemed to understand what the litter box was for, but now he’s forgotten and is pooping on my carpet, despite all my best efforts to get him to knock it off; it’s getting to the point where I’m considering just locking him up in the little bathroom with the litter box whenever I’m at work. What else can I do? He also attacks my night-lights, licks everything in sight, tries to eat my hair when I’m asleep… I’m not sure if all of these things are kitten-phase things that he’ll grow out of, or if I should be trying to discipline him more than I already do. Any thoughts?

I don’t get this. I feel like I am aggressively drilling myself into a hole where I can no longer see through my own eyes or feel however I feel about my world without the opinions of others superimposed. How did it start, and when? How do I get out of here? It’s cutting my confidence down to nearly nothing to be the round peg in this square hole, reminded daily of how poorly suited my lifestyle is for me. I’m off-center and significantly out-of-whack. How do I get back to being myself?

I can’t just shut down on everyone. I don’t even know how to do that, and it wouldn’t be a lasting answer, because it’s too situational. But somehow, I’ve got to stop digging and start climbing out again. It’s not like anyone else is going to do it for me.

Thurs-Fri: Skipped work because I was coughing up a lung. Slept, when I wasn’t downing Airborne.

Sat: Airborne worked! Cleaned my entire apartment top-to-toe, scrubbed bathroom, spot-cleaned carpet, vacuumed, washed every dish… yes, I’m turning into Monica Gellar.

Today: Surprise! Parents want me to go to dinner with a bunch of family friends (our oldest, dearest friends). Ate, drank mightily good foods and wines. Came home, watched Moonlighting, had an extra-awkward late-night text message conversation, read “The Lurking Fear” (HP Lovecraft), and posted my resume on Monster again. Employers! Employ me! I need more moneys!

Here endeth the update. I can’t express how much I miss each and every one of my friends right now. Please, if you’re in Seattle, or next time you are, give me a ring. I can’t help thinking that I feel so lost right now because there is no one around me who knows me well enough to say, “What the hell are you doing?” But I keep thinking of you all, and missing you, and wondering if you’re lost or found, too…