Lawd. Sooo tired. Went to work today for six and a half hours (yay); met a new co-worker barista there — Ian. He cursed a fair amount, spoke ill of the other baristas who work there, and in the five hours when he and I were both there, he went out to smoke three times. Plus, he dropped out of all his classes… at Bellevue Community College. He said he got kicked out of art class. How do you flunk community college? He also had this random friend with whom he used to work visiting for like… all afternoon, and they basically talked about how all their friends would drink or get high and then puke everywhere. And about their pedophile ex-manager. Thank you, but strange as it may seem, no, I did not want to hear that.

Okay, so I guess my point is, I don’t particularly love my new co-worker too much. Which is maybe a good thing, because if I didlike him… well, I mean, there’s a lot of blank time one spends in the store, nothing to do…

…so I got a lot of reading on “War and Peace” done. Woo. Hoo. It is an okay book so far; I’m 70 or so pages into it.

I had to do closing today, so I didn’t leave the store until 6:30, after washing all the pitchers and espresso gear and everything. When I got done with work, I came home, and — ooh, hooray! — did our dishes. Which is kind of funny, because I had to clean up everything from a dinner of which I did not partake; the only things I actually ate today were a bowl of yogurt and a bowl of rice and carrots. ::sighs dramatically:: Come on, people!! Where’s the pity?

So now I’ve been working a bunch on my AP English essay and now I have to go do the Logic one, which is overdue. (I’m really sorry, Abe!! I mean it!) I actually had a hellish time trying to write it last night; my computer dissed me when I was trying to get the assignment; then Netscape crashed. I moved to Explorer; Explorer crashed. I rebooted Explorer and found the stuff I had to *read*. I tried to bring up Eudora, because I thought I might have put it in my outbox (I do this when I want to make a note of something that I need to do or deal with later: I put it in a new message to no-one in my outbox and label it with a subject line and save it. It’s easy, because Eudora’s almost always up on my computer, and it doesn’t have fancy fonts and stuff, so it’s just as small as a simpletext file). This moment my computer chose to completely crash, losing me the stuff I’d brought up to read in Explorer. ARGH. So I rebooted the computer, went and got the stuff back up on Explorer, and got the assignment, and saved both, and then turned my FREAKING COMPUTER OFF because I was so annoyed and tired and late-into-the-night that I couldn’t do the assignment anymore, what with have to get up at six for Logic and then go to work after.

I just have to say, Juliana, girl, I love you I have had this totally crappy day, then I got online, and even though I talk to you… like… all the time You were all happy and bubbly and excited. So it’s great to see all your “haha”s and you totally put a smile back on my face!! You’ve given me the energy (I *think*!!) to do my Logic essay now, so that I can do other fun stuff, like housework and reading “War and Peace” and taking a long shower and bath and playing guitar this weekend. Ooooooh, and youth group on Sunday! I am so excited!!!

Barista Goddess say: “Sheryl Crow make dishwashing easier. Only, not sing along to certain songs when parents near.”

By which, I don’t really mean the job at all. In fact, the job is a nice change of pace, sort of. Makes me HAVE to stay awake most mornings instead of just going back to bed after class… *gulps*

But in novels, or mythology, it is always when the queen or princess is tired of her throne that she goes out on vacation, disguised as a plebian, disguised for a change of pace, to meet new people who will treat her differently.

That’s where I am right now — wanting that. Of course I *am* meeting new people — on the job — but in some ways it’s the opposite of where I want to be. It’s another responsibility tying me down… when really what I feel like doing right now (if I had the money!) is buying a huge wooden clippership and sailing the world like a salty ol’ sea dog.

We’ve been reading Billy Budd in APE, and I liked it a fair amount, mostly because of its saltiness. Some people get wanderlust… I get waterlust. I just want to be out on the water, in any sort of craft — from a raft to a clipper, though I’m happier with something made of wood than of metal, whatever its size — floating away… farther and farther from land. I don’t know why, but when you’re very far from shore, and you can’t see the bottom of the water, all you can see is the darkness below, the brightness above, and your own reflection in between. It’s like the closer you are to land, the closer you are to others, and all the obligations that go with that — being good, polite, nice; caring for people and treating them well. Not that I would like to treat people poorly, only that sometimes I want to be alone. It seems like I spent much of my childhood alone — I would go outside and play in the backyard daily; it was my whole purpose in life — and now since about the 6th grade, I’ve come to know many people, and have many obligations. I suppose that this is true of most people, but then maybe being homeschooled did incline me in some degree to loneliness and independence, both, at a younger age than many. But going back to the water, it seems to me that the farther you are from land, the closer you are to God. It is something like what the desert fathers did (Desert Fathers?), according to Thomas Merton. Hence the attractiveness of hermitage I suppose I’d like to be a water-hermit if there is such a thing, rather than a desert-hermit. I mean, in a way desert hermitage is more pure, because you cannot even see yourself in the desert, only God; whereas on the water you have both.

I suppose I am just rambling now… doubtless all y’all my faithful readers think I’m a big dope. I love you all, I just want a break! It doesn’t help that I’ve been listening to chanteys all morning, neither, or that it’s so clear out (and just a little windy, and a little chill… perfect sailing weather *sniffles*).

I want to feel the shift of the sheet in my hand, hear the boom creak as it swings, smell the foamy, salty spray, smelling and feeling like the thousands of hundreds of untold journeys of the prows that plowed the water before me.

I need a boat. This is one of my life goals. I might die an old maid with long white hair, like the grandmother (or is’t Godmother?) in George MacDonald’s books about the princess and Curdy… I don’t care who I’ll have kissed if I didn’t mean it; I don’t care if I’m married or single, because either of those roads, if I take it, I will walk to the end; I don’t care if I’m rich or poor, or if I’ve ever cut a record, or if I’ve ever directed a movie, or if I’ve ever written a novel. Because none of these things change what I will see when I’m out on the water. Only my own soul can tell me what I’ll see of myself and of God; of heaven and earth and the dark blackness below. Only I can chose if I’ll drown, swim, or fly.

On earth, those kind of decisions are complicated; you can get so confused that you don’t know which way’s up and which way’s down, and after all, from a long way off, on a cloudy day, the water looks just like the sky. That’s why I must live near the water, where I can see it, clearly… so I can be close to God. So I can walk from my house, whether it’s a mansion or a shed, down to a dock, and lay on the dock and hear the water lapping beneath, and watch the clouds moving above, and eat chocolate, and contemplate. So I can go wading and dip my head underwater and look at a world that is so different from my own, and still inexplicably connected to it.

I suppose I’ve rambled geekily enough for now Just thinking about it is refreshing, though, and I’m practically on the point of running outofdoors and down to the lake even now, barefoot if needs be, and jump right into it if I could! I guess I’ll have to comfort myself just now, though, by eating some yogurt and granola and perhaps taking a walk before Greek today. *sighs*

Barista Goddess say: “Be like Swirkle. Be sweet, soft, nonfat. Blend and chill.”

Let it henceforth be known that Lauren Brannon, Cnytr Extraordinaire, is now dubbed a full member of the Order of Ristretto. Free the oppressed Lattites from the domineering Mochites, and let it go out in the land, that we shall not tolerate decaffeination any longer!

Went to work, took bus to the Eastgate Park and Ride, and walked home from there, which is about a mile and a half to two miles. So a reasonable walk, and I got exercise. So far today, I haven’t broken my diet *dances*. I did have a little bit of mayonnaise on my sandwich, but I spread it nice and thin.

Talked to Carissa at work a bit… I’m probably going to be working with her a fair amount. She’s twenty, and basically very cheerful and nice, and she knows how to work the machines pretty well and knows all the drinks, so when we get busy, I can just do register and she does the bar. Anyway, told her this guy asked me to go to the concert gig thingie, and she was all like, “Yeah! You should go!!… Is he cute?” so we dished for a bit. And these two (oooh) very nice-looking army men came into the store, too They really like the white chocolate drinks. I tried not to slobber all down the front of my apron, but it was hard to tell if I had or not, because it’s a black apron. I told Lauren what their uniforms/patches were like and she said they were Private First Class, so, like, low. Well, we can’t all marry officers, Lauren!

Also, girl, just have to say, if you are a bad student, I do not even want to know what *I* am!! I am SO behind in Chem and Art History and now I have a Logic essay which I have to post today, and Chem class, and and and that APE essay question doohickie. And, oh, btw, I’m working Friday, too.

Which reminds me: come and see me at the Meadows Tully’s! It’s in Issaquah, on Gilman Blvd, to the left of the QFC. Right near the freeway. I’m working Monday from noon to 6:30, Wednesday from 9 AM to noon, and Friday from noon to 6:30. I’ll make you yummy drinks and get you pastries and everything and it’ll be really cool. Besides which, it’s a really slow location, and so I want to drum up more business to make my manager happy and so that I have something to do, too.

And in case anyone is wondering why I blog so much, it is almost completely Lauren’s fault, because she complains if I leave Blogtopia for five minutes Even though she goes for days without blogging. But I forgive her, because her rare blogs are higher-quality than my frequent ones. Plus I am LOVING that Latin-English poem she just put up! Everyone go look at her blog, now!

Okay, I am a retard. I am sitting her chewing on this little blue metal barette that I had in my hair, and I just realized that bits of the blue paint are chipping off and probably I’m swallowing them. I don’t taste anything, but eww! This stuff could be POISONOUS! I am eighteen years old, and have not yet learned the whole keep-non-food-out-of-your-mouth rule. *is idiot* I need to go study Chemistry. Cause, obviously, there’s a lot of free room in my brane

Barista Goddess say: Cnytr who make room topic of “THERE IS NO MERCY FOR THE DECAFFEINATED!” has future in hot beverage business.